Wednesday, April 18, 2018

BDD

I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I had speculated for a long time, but only recently got diagnosed. What is BDD? Learn more here

Having BDD means I have a very warped view of my body at times (but not all the time). I have been trying to get better at catching myself when I'm beginning to stare at a certain part of me for too long. Having BDD doesn't mean I always hate my body, I don't. It's just when I get into the BDD headspace, those dark thoughts take over. The truth is when I started getting more attention and liked more it was because of my body. I was modeling, doing sex work. Suddenly people found me sexy and I wasn't the loser I was in middle and high school. Thus, it was cemented in my head that the best thing I have going for me is my body. Of course, I know that's not true, but again when I'm in the BDD mind frame the dark thoughts come in. So what helps and doesn't help when I am struggling with my BDD?

DO be logical. Having NVLD means I'm very fact base. For example, my friend pointed out two pics I thought I looked different in, I was actually the same. The only difference was lighting and posture. Another time she schooled me on what having a uterus means for a woman's stomach.

DON'T tell me "you look healthy." When I am in a BDD frame of mind those words can be very triggering.

DO remind me I am thin and 120 is a low weight.

DON'T tell me, "you're a beautiful person. Weight is just a number," or anything like that. It's super unhelpful.

DO message me privately (if I post in public). Sometimes it helps better if I have a one on one conversation.

DON'T say something like, "well if you're fat then what am I!" or "Wow, you're 120? wonder what you think of me being 150?" This is literally the most selfish and ignorant thing you can say. My BDD has NOTHING to do with how I see other people. Do not make it about you.

And finally, know that it will pass. Know that the road to progression isn't linear.

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