Thursday, March 15, 2018

Ten Years.

Ten years. It's been ten years since that fateful weekend in 2008. Particularly, ten year since the Ides of March. The day the brunt of it all went down. Sometimes it's hard for me to see how much progress I've made in these past ten years, but I always come back to one of my life lessons, "compare me to me," and perhaps the best "me" comparison is to the one in 2008. So, let's take a trip back.

Ten years ago....

  • I had just started a job working in a call center for a dumpster company.
  • I was living in someone else's house.
  • I was in a relationship that I forced (even though I didn't realize it at the time).
  • I did not have a proper diagnosis. More importantly, I did not have BPD diagnosis.
  • I had friends, a community, and was part of the local RHPS cast. What I didn't have were the skills to prevent everything from spiraling out of control, losing almost everything, and all because of a breakup.

Now it's ten years later. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all uphill. As I've said, the road to progress isn't linear. My life was unstable for a long time, I endured abuses, got sucked in with the wrong types of people, had a major breakdown that matched the one from 10 years ago. But now, on this day, ten years later I can say...

  • I've had stable housing and a job for the past year and 8 months and year and 5 months.
  • I not only have a proper diagnosis but have researched and learned about it to the point I am extremely self-aware. I've learned skills, completed a DBT program; and although consistent therapy has been, well, inconsistent, I am at a place that is much different from ten years ago.
  • I've had outbursts, bad days, but this time around I react to them differently. I have the skills to process, reflect, fix and/or move on. That breakdown I mentioned? Unlike 10 years ago, I was able to recognize I needed to go and get myself help. Unfortunately, it ended in a traumatic experience (not by my fault).
  • I have a partner who supports, loves, and celebrates me. Someone who has seen me at my best and my worst; and I him. This July we are moving in together.
  • I have a career, one I am working to move up in. I am on my way to earning my second Masters
Don't get me wrong, I still struggle, but I now have the skills to react to those times in a way that isn't detrimental to my life.

No comments:

Post a Comment