Ten years ago....
- I had just started a job working in a call center for a dumpster company.
- I was living in someone else's house.
- I was in a relationship that I forced (even though I didn't realize it at the time).
- I did not have a proper diagnosis. More importantly, I did not have BPD diagnosis.
- I had friends, a community, and was part of the local RHPS cast. What I didn't have were the skills to prevent everything from spiraling out of control, losing almost everything, and all because of a breakup.
Now it's ten years later. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all uphill. As I've said, the road to progress isn't linear. My life was unstable for a long time, I endured abuses, got sucked in with the wrong types of people, had a major breakdown that matched the one from 10 years ago. But now, on this day, ten years later I can say...
- I've had stable housing and a job for the past year and 8 months and year and 5 months.
- I not only have a proper diagnosis but have researched and learned about it to the point I am extremely self-aware. I've learned skills, completed a DBT program; and although consistent therapy has been, well, inconsistent, I am at a place that is much different from ten years ago.
- I've had outbursts, bad days, but this time around I react to them differently. I have the skills to process, reflect, fix and/or move on. That breakdown I mentioned? Unlike 10 years ago, I was able to recognize I needed to go and get myself help. Unfortunately, it ended in a traumatic experience (not by my fault).
- I have a partner who supports, loves, and celebrates me. Someone who has seen me at my best and my worst; and I him. This July we are moving in together.
- I have a career, one I am working to move up in. I am on my way to earning my second Masters
Don't get me wrong, I still struggle, but I now have the skills to react to those times in a way that isn't detrimental to my life.