Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Oh Hai

Oh hey, I haven't blogged in a while. Does anyone even read this? I feel bad making long Facebook posts, but I feel when I post a link to a blog, no one clicks on it. Oh well, these thoughts seemed more fitting for my blog.

First, the good news, things are going really well! Work, relationship, and apartment/roomies are good. I am more confident about getting a renewal letter for work than I was (based on an email I got), Daniel and I just went to Montreal together, and my roommates continue to be chill and understanding. My UU church continues to be an amazing community and place of support. I will be signing the book as an official member on 4/2. My minister says I have been the most pro active of new members. I give back through the Social Justice Action Committee, go to small group covenant meetings, and help out doing service. I also get great support from my therapist (who's awesome) and my DBT group. Finally, I've been getting very involved with activism!

I have several things coming up that I am not only looking forward to, but make me feel like I am progressing, and making a difference. Here's what's going on the next few months!

3/2: UFPC Social Justice Action Committe's Letter Writing Night. I planned and organized this!
3/4: Stand with Planned Parenthood rally.
3/5: Writing group after service (happens once a month).
3/7: Quiz for a Cause to support Generations Inc. (my friend's work).
3/18: Dropkick Murphys.
3/26: Ushering at service.
3/28, 4/25, 5/23: Covenant group.
4/2: UFPC new member ceremony.
4/8: Hamilton sing-a-long at my church.
4/22: March for Science.
4/23: Walk to End Sexual Violence (with the Nerdfighter team!)
6/16-6/18: NYC. I'm going with Daniel to see the Statue of Liberty!
6/23: My sister's reception.
7/12: My final DBT group.

I am also thrilled that I am going to or am on task to hit major goals I had for 2017.

  • Graduate from DBT: I have never completed a DBT program (usually because of moving). Now it's actually happening in July!
  • Publish another book: I am currently in the editing process of my BPD book.
  • Go back to school: I have complete and submitted my application to BU for their graduate school of education, and it's currently being reviewed. 
  • Pay off my roommate: Looks like I'll complete that this month!
  • More yoga: Working on being more consistent, but getting there
More activism!
  • Going to rallys and marches
  • Making calls and writing letters
  • Organized a huddle
  • Organized two letter writing nights (one specifically for Standing Rock)
  • Doing the Walk to End Sexual Violence
  • Donating to places monthly
  • My friend's Quiz for a Cause
  • I'm helping organize one for This Star Won't Go Out
Wow! Lots of awesome. So of course (here comes the bad news) my brain is convinced something is wrong. Life is never this good for me, the other shoe is going to drop at any moment. I am anxious, but I also feel that if I let my guard down something will happen; everything will fall apart. This feeling is magnified during this month. March has been a difficult month for me in the past, and though I've completely gotten over certain incidents (and recent Marches have been pretty okay) the feelings still linger.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

An Update

It's been a while since I've blogged. I've been trying to do more actual writing. Things are pretty good right now, and I am doing a lot of things to help myself. I see a wonderful, progressive therapist; I'm in a great DBT group, I've been doing yoga more regularly, I've been getting more involved in my UU church community (including monthly covenant groups), and I'm creating art again. I live with people who are patient, understanding, and willing to talk out problems; I love my job, and plan on going back to school in the summer for Special Education; and things are going really well with my boyfriend.

But, don't be fooled. Living with this disorder is still incredibly difficult. While I've handled certain situations well, I worry about how I'd handle others; I have moments of self-hate, I am constantly worried about something going wrong (though that's more the G.A.D.), I still struggle to control my anger, and on more than one occasion I haven't been able to.

Please don't ever think someone with mental illness is "all better" because they have made progress or are doing well in life. We still struggle, we just work extra hard to fight it.