Friday, September 30, 2016

My Favorite Month

I am in a good place right now. My life is stable, and I have a lot of positive things going on. I start a new job working in a charter school on Monday, I live in a place I feel safe and get along with my roommates, Daniel and I are a couple again, I am part of a great UU church community, I've recently made new girl friends, I am starting with a new therapist (that I feel really good about), DBT group is going well, I finished my podcast conversion project and will be recording again soon, I'm getting along with my immediate family (after a couple months of strain), I'm consistently working on my book, and I just completed the testing for ADHD/Autism.

On top of this I have several plans coming up in October that I am looking forward to; writing group at UU starting up, Pay Equity Today's Vote premier at the EMK, Sandwich fair or Daniel's camp, Comicazi Cookie Clash, Hamilton documentary gathering, Comicazi Halloweeniversary, and the Charter school debate at the EMK.

It's easy to feel positive and confident when everything is going well, but that's the problem with BPD. Black and white thinking; everything is either all good or all bad. It is this line of thinking that has lead me to continuously go through cycles. Cycles where I have everything together, and then it all falls apart. Usually because of something small, something that disrupts the all white in the black and white. Grey is where I need to be, or else I become susceptible to the cycle. So, what can I do?

  1. Stay in wise mind. This is obviously easier said than done, but the most important.
  2.  Take things one day at a time. It's okay to plan for the future, but I tend to overthink and think too far ahead. Especially about stuff I have no control over.
  3. Continue with therapy and group.
  4. Look into an every day anxiety med.
  5. Do my best to stay in the grey. Things will go wrong, and that's okay. It doesn't mean everything has to fall apart.
  6. Practice DBT daily.
  7. Try my best to trust Daniel more. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn't reply it more than likely means he's sleeping or depressed. Try opposite action.
  8. Realize and remember I will struggle.
The most important stuff is not getting into black and while thinking. That's always been the cause of all my losses and cycles. If I have to repeat the word, "grey" in my head, I will.

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