Sunday, March 27, 2016

March On-Day 27

Today was a good and much needed day, so let's talk about that first. I spent the day at my family's house for Easter, and in a rare occurrence we had all "six of us" there (plus a few extra). Basically when I say all six I mean parents and siblings of varying kinds.  It was a really great day, and it was nice seeing some people who I hadn't seen in a while. As an added bonus I made $470 on a horse bet!

Okay, now for the other stuff I want to talk about. This didn't actually happen today, but it's been on my mind. As some of you know for a while I was hooking up with my roommate. Many people warned me that this was a bad idea, but I still chose to do it.  Unfortunately it turns out that one of us couldn't handle it, and this time it's not me. So, no this isn't me saying people were right, because I handled everything really well. Him, on the other hand? Not so much. While we were having sex he was always very friendly to me. We hung out a lot, joked around, and I felt like at least one person in the house was on my side. He often helped me out with stuff and let me come with him to run errands. At one point, after I had helped him out he said to me, "if you ever need a ride somewhere the best thing to do is look around and see what chores I need to do." Basically we helped each other out, and did things for each other.

Now? It's different. Suddenly he cares what our other roommates think and stopped having sex. But instead of the nice conversation as promised he basically just avoided me until I brought it up with him. Before when I went to his room he was more than happy to have me hang out. Now? I'm irritating and won't shut up, as he put it. Before he was more than willing to help me with stuff. Now? "For a feminist you're incapable of doing things for yourself." Suddenly I'm a burden and he's pissed off that I ask him for help.  When I offered him empathy and condolences over his dog dying he accused me of, "being in his face." Oh, did I mention he also made some very scary threats about hurting people and when I voiced concern he pretty much made it seem like if he snapped it would be my fault (this is where the being in his face comment came from followed by him saying, "you could always move out.) After he assured me he wouldn't hurt anyone in the house, but even saying stuff like that out of anger? Then pre victim blaming me? When I brought this up to him he told me it had nothing to do with not having sex because, "I came onto him." Sooo, he's pretty much accusing me of seducing him or something? He's making it seem like I forced him to have sex against his will.  He still talks to me, but it's obvious he's trying to stay civil. There are even times where I feel like things are back to normal, but then he'll look like he's getting annoyed. The past few times I went up to his room to hang out, he was barely responsive. It's obvious even though he said I could, he doesn't want me hanging out anymore.

But you know what? I'm handling it well. I'm not having a melt down and I'm not blaming myself. Which is why I don't regret fucking him. In the end it's not me that couldn't handle it ending. This is a huge deal and I'm proud of myself.

9/10-Today was pretty great!

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