Wednesday, March 2, 2016

March On-Day 1

March has traditionally always been a difficult month for me. While in recent years the content of the days has gotten better, there's still an underlying anxiety that remains. March isn't when most of the bad stuff in my life has happened, it's just when a lot of major bad stuff has happened. Including one of the, if not the worst weekend of my life, but I'll get to that later. There's a lot of people who don't understand depression and/or anxiety that goes with certain anniversaries or times of the year. It's not that I am trying to make myself remember on purpose, I just can't control my brain that way; and while it's true that over the past few years I've worked extra hard to make sure that March is extra positive, there's always going to be a bit of animosity towards the month. I've decided this year to blog about my March, 2016 experience and track how I handle my least favorite month of the year. I'm not going to have any special kind of set up, I'm just going to talk about the day to day. I recognize that there may be a month where I have a harder time than March, but overall my anxiety and fears are heightened this month. I'm more vulnerable and I thinks important to watch myself closely.

Today, or yesterday since I'm writing this the next day, went well. The students had a field trip to the Paramount in Boston. They saw a play called, "The Wong Kids and the Secret of the Space Chupacabra Go!" I enjoyed it a lot. It was fun and the costumes and effects were really cool. The kids seemed to enjoy it as well. We got back around 2pm, so we were pretty much gone the whole day. It was a nice break from the normal day. After work I went back home so I could go vote. I was glad that I was able to do it quickly, but a bit disappointed they had no stickers. Damnit, I wanted a sticker! Since I finished so early and was near my house, I had time to go back home and relax a bit before my appointment with the DBT group leader. I had a meeting with her to discuss my treatment plan with group which I start today.

I got a bit annoyed getting there because the  buses were behind, I walked the wrong way, and I ended up being almost a half hour late. On top of that my phone died in the middle of me typing out a really long Facebook post. However, I got my self into wise mind, and reminded myself I had my computer with me and that I could retype it out there really fast. Turns out it didn't matter, I put it on my external charger and once it came on the post was still there. The appointment went well, and it was a new experience as I've never had a treatment plan for a group before.

After group, since I was nearby, I went to quiz at Common Ground to see my friend Corey who was back from a long hiatus. I was doing well then bombed the last few rounds and came in second to last. I was fine with it though, because I had a lot of fun and I was also able to follow the election results I was a bit disappointed after because Green Lantern was at a nearby bar and I asked if I could go by so he could help me with some stuff. He replied with, "heading over now," and I thought it meant he was headed over to where I was. Turns out it meant he was just headed over to his destination (I though he had already been there a while and was on his way out). I was frustrated I didn't get to see him, but even more annoyed at myself for not clarifying and wasting my time sitting alone and thus getting home later than intended. However, I handled it well and told him I'd just catch him another time rather than begging him to please come by.

I'd say the first day of March get an 8/10 (points lost for minor annoyances and brief bouts of emotion mind)

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