Friday, January 8, 2016

January of Me-Day 6



Starting Thoughts
I woke up feeling a bit off kilter. People with BPD are very structured, and often don't like changes or shakeups in their plans (which makes sense that I'm an INFJ).  So, when my FP showed after I told myself I wouldn't contact him for a month, it threw me off.  However, I was able to use mindfulness and redirect my thoughts.  I was feeling a little bit anxious about not hearing back from the woman about my second interview. I was really hoping to do it by the end of the week.

Progress
  • Made a follow up appointment with the neurologist.
  • Took care of bills.
  • Got an email from the woman from the interview. She told me 2 of the 3 teachers that were supposed to do the phone interview had been sick, but she was positive we'd be able to set something up for Tuesday.
Mindfulness/Other DBT Skills
  • Mindfulness to redirect my worry thoughts, and death anxiety (thoughts started to creep).
  • I tend to be a superstitious person, and I'm hesitant about being optimistic about stuff. I feel if I am, something always goes wrong. Hence why I say I am not "blue" (re: Blue Lanterns). It took me over an hour to buy the tickets for the show. Not because I was having trouble on the site, but because I kept over analyzing and psyching myself out. What if something went wrong? What if certain people weren't there? What if I bought the wrong tickets? I talked to a couple people, and just let it be. 
  • Kids were being really loud. Took some mindful breaths. I feel like I do that a lot at this job.
  • Started to cope ahead for the game on Sunday. I talk more about it here.
Highlights
  • Teacher was absent so a sub and I ran the class. When I checked in with her she said it sounded like I did a great job.
  • BOUGHT A TICKET TO SEE HAMILTON DURING FEBRUARY VACATION. Aside from Garth Brooks and Packers this is the only "big" nice thing I've done for myself (excluding DKM and Arisia every year) since my Seattle trip in 2011. This will also be my 5th trip to NYC, 3rd time seeing a show on Broadway, and my 1st time seeing an original cast.
  • Bought a bus ticket for NYC.
  • During work some of the kids in my 5th grade class were using gay slurs. One of the other teacher's (who I think acts as a mentor of some sort) ended up addressing the group and having a discussion with them about bullying in general. We didn't call out the specific language, but made it more of a general discussion. I thought what we did was really important, and I felt good about it.
  • Went on a date with someone I met on OkCupid. We went to a coffee shop downtown. He was nice, but I didn't really feel a connection. However, I did one of the things I said I would go on dates. 
  • Hung out with my new roommate for a bit. We showed each other random Youtube videos. Lot's of laughing.
End Thoughts
I was pretty proud of myself for continuing to use my skills. I observed that I am able to use skills quickly when I am independent. Again the challenge is going to be intertwining certain people in my life or handling it when something unexpected happens. Also proud that I was able to handle the students today without the teacher there.

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