Friday, January 29, 2016

January of Me-Day 23



Starting Thoughts
Woke up actually excited to go to work. I dealt with some paranoia yesterday, but have been doing a good job of not giving into impulses and making things worse. I was telling a friend that sometimes I get trapped in my head, but if I'm able to get out I end up forgetting what I'm suppose to forget and I tend to feel better. I just need to get past that initial hump.

Progress

  • Added more episodes to Youtube. I did learn that some of the episodes I am going to have to split up; which is fine, that's easy enough to do.
  • Did my taxes. I'm a bit let down because I seemed to be getting a large amount until I put in my final W2. However the fact I pay rent and ride the T saved me from owing the state of MA money. I'm going to have to look at my budget and figure out saving for bankruptcy once and for all. 
Mindfulness/Other DBT Skills
  • Morning Yoga
  • At work I am sometimes afraid to discuss things because of past experiences. I've taken initiative, and it's been looked down upon and discouraged. I'm really scared of rejection or someone getting angry at my decision and I'll get in trouble or fired. It's a common occurrence for people with BPD to have that fear of interpersonal rejection. Today I forced myself to get over that fear and discussed my fears with the lead teacher. She's totally supportive of me taking initiative as long as we are on the same page and I let her know. She's been supporting my choices as well.
  • Felt really paranoid, but managed to keep it in control by being mindful and using Observe and Describe
Highlights
  • Bought a couple of boxes of Girl Scout cookies from one of my students.
  • I had a really good one on one talk with a student.
  • Spent some time at the library, and then at Starbucks for a little bit.
  • Went on a second date with Hugh. We went to Knight Moves, a board game cafe. It was really neat! We played Flux, Linkee, and Coup. After we went to Good Vibrations to look at the antique vibrators and then to Otto's for a slice of pizza. I'm trying to not "jump ahead." I will say that he said things are "promising" and we do have some great conversations.
End Thoughts
I seem to be forcing myself to do things I normally wouldn't, getting myself into wise mind faster, and controlling my impulses better. I'm proud of myself.

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