Friday, January 29, 2016

January of Me-Day 16



Starting Thoughts
I had to skip yoga this morning because I didn't have tampons. This meant I had to sleep naked with a towel between my legs and just let my cycle free flow. I do yoga before my shower and get dressed after my shower. Doing yoga basically meant either doing it in my work clothes and risking the substitute wads of napkins shifting and blood getting all over my clothes or doing it naked and blood getting all over my mat. By the way, if this is grossing you out. Too bad. You shouldn't be grossed out by a natural occurrence. Grow up.

Progress
  • I am trying to get better with my money, even if it's little steps at a time. For example when I was younger I would skip paying bills in order to spend money on random stuff. I worked on this an was able to pay my bills first before I spent money. I was still bad at saving so it seem like I didn't improve, but with BPD even small improvements (like not spending bill money on coffee) is an improvement). Lately I've been improving even more with money. Instead of spending bill money on things like coffee I would spend the money I should have been using for cat little, food, shampoo, toothpaste, paying people back, and "adult" things. Now I am making sure I don't do that. Right now I only have $40 left in my pay check and 90% of the rest of the money went to bills and paying someone back. $10 is for a donation for a play I'm seeing to support a friend. I still need to buy food and cat food. In the past I'd say, "but I really want money to buy coffee or ____," but I know I need to eat. So I'm doing the adult thing. I still need to work on actually saving money. Especially because I have trouble holding on to jobs. It scares me I have $0 in savings.
  • I had emailed the Yoga instructor from Arisia and she gave me advice on finding cheap Yoga classes, so I looked into community classes. I found some that may work, just waiting to hear back from some I emailed. She told me that the issue with home practice is that no one is there to help me with my alignment, which I know is the thing I need the most help with, and that can lead to injury.
  • Heard back from my Psychiatrist and I've been assigned to a team so I may be getting a new therapist soon. This means I am putting off switching practices for the time being. I actually like CHA, it's just that I've been waiting so long to get a therapist.
  • I followed up from my second interview today. The woman I've been corresponding with (Jill) told me the supervisors I spoke with said I was the candidate they were the most interested in and that my skill set best matched the position. They wanted me to come in and meet with the kids. The issue is I can't afford to take a day off because I get one sick day a month and, A. I've already used my January one and B. my next paycheck has to be a full one since it's my NYC check. The good news is they currently have a temp in the position so there isn't an urgency to fill it. Right now there are two options. 1. Jill is going to talk to the Principal Monday and see if he'll talk to me on the phone and hire me without me coming in. He's talked to me in person before, and his biggest concern was being committed to staying on for the year. I told Jill I've been talking with that I was all set to come on board with them and would have definitely picked that school over the one I'm currently at. 2. If they rather I come in I told them I could come in around the beginning of February during the week of my next check. I really hope this all works out. I am starting to like where I'm at a bit better, but the commute is terrible and this job is working with an age and demographic I really want to work with (Autistic kids and I'd actually get to work with K-4).
Mindfulness/Other DBT Skills
  • Lead teacher seemed to be in a bad mood today. Normally I would take it personally and assume it had something to do with me. I used wise mind to tell myself that she could just be having a bad day and even if it did have something to do with me, I can't control it. If she wants to talk to me about it, that's her choice and I'm not going to chase it out of her. I asked her is everything was okay cause she looked a bit stressed and she just said she had a lot on her mind. I cast the line, how much she bites is up to her.
  • I noticed I was able to control my intrusive thoughts with a bit more ease. 
Highlights
  • Lead teacher had a morning meeting so I got to teach the 5th grade math lesson. Usually I teach part of it in a small group, so I was excited to teach a full class lesson.
  • Asked the kids to explain one of their phrases to me and they got all excited.
  • Hung out at Starbucks.
  • Saw a play called, "Agnes of God" which was directed and stage managed by friends of mine. It was absolutely amazing!
End Thoughts
Had a really great day. I was in a good mood for pretty much the whole day, and the best part is, I was able to not let someone's bad mood ruin my good one.

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