Thursday, January 14, 2016

January of Me-Day 12



Starting Thoughts
My first thoughts were on Chicken Little. What she's doing, how she's doing, and if she's happy on her birthday. I also wondered if I was going to be able to do my second interview this week. Not many other thoughts, other than dreading the cold. 

Progress
  • I found a meet up group for INFJ's, their next event is sold out, but I'm going to keep an eye out. I checked out the introvert group, but it didn't really appeal to me. 
  • I found a writing group that seems to have a format similar to what I've been looking for. It looks like they meet on Wednesdays, which would work out well. That would mean I wouldn't have to add another late night to my week (right now it's Wednesday once a month for the color meet up and Thursday for trivia and mental illness support group).
  • I've been taking initiative and messaging people on OkCupid. I hate the whole, "just wait for it to happen," advice when it comes to dating. No, nothing is going to happen if I sit around and wait for someone to fall into my lap. Because the same people are getting that advice as well. So, what? Everyone is just waiting for someone to come along? No. People meet because they are either set up, take initiative, go out, or join dating sites.
  • No dice on the interview this week. I was told people had to go home sick today. She said she wants to set up an interview with me and that the people who wan tot interview me want to talk to me about my many job changes. Sigh.
  • My psychiatrist called about the partial program. Unfortunately it's three nights a week until 8:30pm and would conflict with other things or add to my late nights.
  • Went to the mental illness support group. This is a different chapter of the same group I went to in Nashua, only this one was a little bit bigger. It was nice and easy to get to. There was even a girl there who had BPD! The group is for people with mood disorders, but I've always been welcomed (and BPD might as well be a mood disorder). 
  • Packed for Arisia. I was able to get floor space for the weekend and so I decided to right from work. Because of this I'm trying to pack as light as I can. We'll see how that turns out.
Mindfulness/Other DBT Skills
  • Morning Yoga
  • Used interpersonal effectiveness to explain to someone why their comment fed into the stigma towards my disorder. We ended up having a nice chat afterward.
  • I had a disassociated moment and started to go off on someone online, but eventually blocked them before it got worse. Sometimes progress is going a hair better than before, even if only you notice.
Highlights
  • There is a young man in my class who has become very problematic lately. Using gay slurs, being disrespectful to the girls in, and even calling a girl in a different class a bitch. I took initiative and spoke with the student mentor and we had a talk with him. I also brought it to the attention of the student mentor, head of student services, and executive director. The mentor, me, and the student had a chat; and the other two are going to talk with him as well. All were grateful I brought it to their attention.
  • I'm trying to be more positive about my job, because there's no guarantee I will get a new one. Especially because the people who I might interview with are going to ask about my many job changes. While the students may be incredibly difficult, they do have their moments. I've built a pretty good rapport with the 5th grade girls (we only have one 6th grade girl and she only comes in for math, and I don't teach 6th grade math). The staff is very supportive and I actually feel like I have a voice. Today me and the classroom teacher (who's actually a long term sub while the real teacher is on maternity leave) were praised for how well we are running the classroom. I'm not scolded for adding my thoughts in class, I'm able to teach small group, but it's the one on one time I get that keeps me hanging on. They are completely different kids when I'm one on one with them.
  • Picked up a gift I bought for a friend. Just a, "thanks for being awesome," present.
  • Sat at the library for a bit. Libraries have remained one of my favorite places since I was a kid.
End Thoughts
I got a little discouraged and frustrated at various points during the day, but it was balanced out with deep breathing and feeling good about myself at certain points. I had one outburst online, which I stopped a lit faster than I would have in the past; and when I got home I became escalated when I couldn't find my hula hoops. Not every day is going to be perfect, and that's okay.

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