I woke up around 4:00am and went on scrolled through Facebook a bit (as I usually do). I came across a comment from a friend saying that souls are made up and no one has one. Normally that sort of thing wouldn't bother me. Yes, I have been having a lot of difficulty with thoughts of death and the afterlife, but I'm not ignorant enough to think that everyone believes in something. Of course I know Atheists exists. Except, this person wasn't just any person, they were my FP. Immediately I started to panic. How was I supposed to come back from this? His word was law, wasn't it? I had to base my identity and opinions on his, didn't I? Well, that's what my BPD brain wanted me to think. My first instinct was to post something passive aggressive or vague, but I decided against it.
- Picked up my meds. My psychiatrist put me on Celexa. It's important to remind people who are reading this that have BPD that because of the large environmental/nature components of the disorder, there is no specific BPD medication. Medication is used to form a base so that building skills and working in therapy is easier.
- Heard back from the interview. I was told something may be set up for tomorrow, but I am skeptical. We will see.
- Finished a book I was reading.
Mindfulness/Other DBT Skills
- Used interpersonal effectiveness and told my FP how I was feeling.
- Morning yoga.
- Went to a coloring meet up. It was wonderful! There were four other people in the group, all women and different ages. It was in a nearby cafe that I was familiar with, but had never been in. Low key, good conversation (me and one of the other girls fan grilled over Hamilton), and of course coloring. Exactly the type of meet up I've been looking for. The girl who runs it mentioned a meet up for people who are introverts. That is one I may need to check out.
- Met an elderly Italian woman on the bus who said I reminded her of Audrey Hepburn. We ended up having a nice conversation about fashion and Italy.
Frustrating day with the kids, but I'm still trying to give it my all. I had a few frustrating moments during the day, but I got through them pretty quickly. Got to bet much later than I wanted to. Luckily the coloring meet up is once a month and is being pushed earlier to 7:00pm.