Tuesday, January 12, 2016

January of Me-Day 10



Starting Thoughts
Woke up after having some pretty bizarre and disturbing dreams, not as bad as night terrors, but definitely not pleasant. I've been having pain on the left side of my jaw so I had some trouble sleeping. I'm hoping it's temporary before I have to make a dentist appointment. When I woke up my first thought was that I didn't want to go to work. It's probably a bad sign when you're not even at work and you're already trying to think of ways to leave. 

Progress
  • Had a psychiatry appointment today. We talked about some of the struggles I've been having including my fears around death. She seemed impressed with how well I was able to articulate everything. It's both a blessing and a curse being so self aware and intellectual about this stuff. There's still a wait list for a therapist, but she did put in a referral for me. She mentioned a partial group program at an Arbor location. They aren't affiliated with CHA, but she can get me a referral and it would be a good interim.  She also said it's in the evening so it would work with my schedule. I told her to go ahead and give them a call. I still want to go to the mental illness support group so hopefully it's not on the same night. I'm a little apprehensive about being out late too many nights during the week, but if it's to better myself a couple will be okay. We also talked about antidepressants and discussed my weight gain fears. I always assumed people just gained weight and nothing could be done no matter how much you ate right and exercised. She told me that it is the antipsychotics that cause the large amounts of weight gain, which I've been on and never gained any noticeable weight (and even that can be controlled with diet and exercise). With antidepressants it might be a pound or two, if anything at all. This put a lot of my fears to rest.
  • Typed up my plans for Arisia. These are the things I definitely plan on going to. I want to try and spend more time socializing with people and gaming as well. I feel as though I wander around a lot and miss out.
  • I haven't heard back from the interview (it's a matter of being patient because she already agreed to arrange it), but I decided I'm going to fully participate in the job I have now. Usually I just check out, and end up sabotaging myself. I'm determine to do things different because it's usually when I give up that things don't work out.
  • Took initiative and followed up with other jobs I interviewed with.
Mindfulness/Other DBT Skills
  • Morning yoga
  • I started to think about my stones, and was first proud of myself for not acting like it was the end of the world or flipping out. Then I decided to take initiative. I was more upset about one of them because it came from my ex and it was unique looking. But maybe I didn't need that connection. When I'm trying to get over someone I have to "fray the rope" rather than just cut it clean. I did really like the stone itself a lot, so since I knew where my ex got it; I texted a friend and asked if he'd take a trip with me. Not only would I get a new stone, but it would be bought by me, I'd spend time with a friend, and make a day trip out of it. Making a negative into a symbolic positive.
  • I came home to bad news regarding the whole check situation. I may have reacted impulsively,  but turned it around by using one mindfully (doing dishes) and then doing an ab workout.
  • Forgot to mention a couple weeks ago I did a sage smudging in my new room.
Highlights
  • Watched the State of the Union Address.
  • Made my avocado/bacon/halo mix again. Yum!
End Thoughts
Going to the psych appoint really helped me out a lot. I had trouble controlling my temper at one point, but it was a good example of how the road to progress is not linear.

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