Sunday, February 8, 2015

Making Decisions

I've been going to Al-Anon meetings and a Big Book studying meeting. I thought that working the 12 steps would be helpful to me, but it's DBT that's going to help me. While I know the 12 steps have worked wonders for people and I can certainly relate to them, I just can't get past all the Christian undertones (even if they do welcome all religions and spirituality). My sponsor agrees that it's best I focus on DBT right now.

I started going to Al-Anon because it was suggested to help me deal with my Mom being an Alcoholic, but then I ended up continuing to go because of Pete (who is a dry drunk). However while it can be helpful to hear other's talk about their experiences with alcoholics, I need much more. I need to learn skills that DBT is going to teach me. My difficulty coping with Pete's absence in very much a Borderline thing and that is not something Al-Anon can help with.  I feel that by focusing on things like Al-Anon and 12 steps I am focusing on Pete and Pete's issues. By that I mean that I am focusing on just one aspect of my life giving me trouble when really it's a smaller part of a bigger issue. My issues with relationships and abandonment.

DBT is what I need to work on and focus on. Especially now that I'm doing full DBT. I have very little gas and no money coming in and I need to use the gas I have to get to therapy. Once I get income I do want to go to some Al-Anon meetings since it can be helpful hearing other people's stories, but as far as working the steps; it's just not for me. To put it bluntly, I don't need it.

DBT is what I need and what I need to focus on. I do also want to continue going to this mental illness support group that I'm part of. That's helpful cause it focuses more on various situations and I can talk more broadly about me and my issues rather than just my issues with alcoholics in my life. My issues are far bigger than that.

Also not to sound conceited, but a lot of what 12 step teaches I've already learned. I need DBT skills, I need to learn new skills, to hone the ones I have.

No comments:

Post a Comment