Friday, October 31, 2014

Bringing in Wise Mind

Since Pete and I broke up we've still been hanging out. It's something I am okay with and so is he. I understand many people would say, "you need time apart" or "it's unhealthy". Look, you do things your way and I will do them mine. However, the one thing that frustrates me is the juxtaposition between when we hang out and after. For example, we had a great night on Wednesday and since then he's barely replied to my texts. I try to engage him in conversation, but get nothing.

Obviously emotional mind comes in and tells me he's avoiding me or doesn't want to hang with me anymore. So, I've been really trying to bring in rational and wise mind. The first thing I did was ask him why sometimes he will suddenly stop responding to me or his replies will be short. He told me not to take it personally, he just has a hard time keeping up conversation with anyone through text. I reminded myself that he sleeps. A lot. He has slept from 4pm until 8 am the next morning, and longer. I know he has a habit of hanging up on people if the conversation gets to stressful for him (he's done it to his Mom and Dad). The other night he hung up on me and it turned out that he thought it was a text so he opened his phone. Now if that happens again I can give him the benefit of the doubt.

He's going through a lot right now. He's got some possible big changes coming up. I've been texting him trying to get updates, and when he doesn't reply I panic. I had a thought today; why do I care? He's not my boyfriend, he owes me nothing. He has no obligation to tell me what's going on in his life. Another thing is he has a hard time making decisions and he may not be replying because he doesn't know what he's doing and he doesn't want to talk about it.

I do have to say that I am happy about something. I gave him some advice and he actually took it. He told me he didn't do something because of my advice.

Now, I know to some of you this all may make me seem "crazy", but this is actually implementing DBT skills. I am using my rational and wise mind, and this is a very good thing. For BPD people it's not as simple as just "not caring". To others it may seem like "drama", but for us it's our emotion mind taking over and we need to rationalize.

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