Sunday, August 17, 2014

Patience and Battling Beth

I am in a relationship for the first time in almost two years. Pete and I finally made it official the other day. In reality we had been in a relationship for months, but he wasn't ready to put the label on it. This was different for me. When I was with J we dated a month before making it official, and I thought that was taking it slow. It took me almost 8 months of patience, of falling apart and coming back together, of worrying for Pete to finally call me his girlfriend. I am hoping that is a good thing, the fact I didn't rush into things. This is the first relationship that I've been in that's lasted longer than six month. Ya, you heard me right. I've been in an intimate friends situation, but this is the longest romantic relationship I've been in.

I am very happy, but of course Beth keeps trying to rear her ugly head. I am most vulnerable when it comes to relationships. All these questions swirl in my head. Is this going to last? How long? Will I grow old with him? Will I have to watch him die? Will I go through divorce like my parents? What will he think of me when I'm old and not "hot"?

I know I should just take things one day at a time, but it's hard. It's great that he thinks I'm so attractive, and I know he's with me for other reasons, but I still get insecure. I get paranoid if we disagree on something. Like, "OMG! We're not compatible!" I know I'm being irrational, but Beth doesn't care.

I think to help myself I am going to do a list of reasons why he's with me and *should* be with me other than physical appearance

1. I'm smart
2. I'm kind
3. I'm caring
4. I'm compassionate
5. I'm good with kids
6. I want to get married and have kids someday
7. I'm funny
8. I'm empathetic
9. I'm a liberal
10. I'm a feminist
11. I'm patient
12. I'm open minded
13. I'm strong (as in mentally/emotionally)
14. I love football
15. I like politics
16. I'm creative
17. I'm helpful

One day at a time.

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