Tuesday, August 26, 2014

An Open Letter

Dear Beth,

You think you're clever, don't you? You think that by causing me to have nightmares I'm going to break. You are trying to kill me by turning my own brain against me. I'm not going to deny that you're doing a good job of trying, but see there is a flaw in your plan. If you can cause my brain to turn against me, then I can cause my brain to turn against you.

You see Beth, all this time I've been freaking out about these so-called nightmares, when really I should have been paying closer attention. My nightmares aren't of dying from a tragic accident, or suicide, or even cancer. My nightmares are of me dying in an old age surrounded by someone I love. That's not really a nightmare, now is it?

Maybe you realize this, Beth, and so what you do is you try to make my brain think that by the time I am ready to leave this world I will be full of regret; not married, no kids, still jumping from job to job. Beth, this is where I fight back. Because no matter what happens between now and then, I will never be alone. You want my brain to make me think I am isolated, but I'm not. I have a sister who is only a couple years younger than me, step-siblings, soon to be in-laws. Even if I never get married or have kids, there will be someone by my death bed.

That brings me to another point in your plan. You want me to think that the only way I will be happy in life, is if I get married and have kids. Oh, but you are wrong. You are very very wrong, and I will tell you why. My Aunty Fran, my God Mother, never got married and never had children but she is far from alone. My two cousins, my sister, and me? We were her kids, she was a second Mother to us. Remember I said I was her God Daughter? Well, I'm not her only God child. My Aunt is more loved, and less alone than many people who are married and do have kids.

So, Beth, you keep giving me what you think are nightmares. But if I'm dreaming of dying an old lady, then I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Now go and think about what you have done, and don't come back until you are ready to play nice.

-Me

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