Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Every Cloud Runs Out of Rain

A lot has happened over the past few days, and luckily it went from bad to good. Saturday I had a pretty bad reaction to Pete not wanting to go to a club with me. I won't get into details, but I ended up doing something pretty stupid. I'm safe now, but a lot of people were worried. No, he didn't do anything wrong, I just once again prove that relationships and my fear of rejection/abandonment are my biggest downfalls.

Then on Monday I got fired, again. It's really discouraging getting fired from a job in your field. What's even more frustrating is I pretty much got fired for doing something I was told I wouldn't get fired for. I guess in the end it's probably better, I was struggling there and instead of helping me or putting me someplace I'd do well, they let me go.

I changed therapists a couple weeks ago, and had my second appointment the same day I got fired. We ended up making a safety plan that included giving all my sharps and pills to Pete, checking in with emergency services that night, and then calling my therapist the next day. That night I ended up going to western MA and hanging out with my friend who also has BPD. We walked around and talked, and it was great to be able to talk openly to someone who understands. After I went and spent the night with T.

Today was one of those days where everything was perfect. I woke up cuddled next to a gorgeous man who kissed me good morning before he left for work, I did some hardcore job searching, had lunch with my Aunt who I have not seen in a while (she's part of a writer's group I'm going to attend), visited my Dad and; got laundry done , had dinner, and went to the library, and finally since I was close by I took a trip to the Salem Willows where I; collected seaglass, found a cool skull thing, got popcorn bars, and of course salt water taffy!

I learned some new DBT skills. Let's just say I'm going to be using ice a lot more. I also put the emergency services number in my phone. I really need to get better at using it.

Finally, I picked up my checks today (I got a severance) and I will be able to pay a whole bunch of bills, and I think I can still collect unemployment.

Pete said I handled getting fired really well. Of course I did, getting fired doesn't involve relationship stuff ;)

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