Saturday, May 31, 2014

That Pesky Blue

Sometimes the best way to be hopeful is to know you're not alone. As much as they may want to, non-Borderlines will never understand Borderlines the way other Borderlines do. But really that can be said for any shared trait. For example, I have a friend who is an alcoholic. I can be sympathetic, but I will never understand alcoholism the way other alcoholics do.

I recently joined some BPD groups on Facebook and shared some BPD struggles. Without going into detail, below are some of the comments that were left on my posts:

"Thank you for asking this question. It's nice to be able to admit it without feeling judged."

"Yep, I definitely understand that! "

"Omg.....I don't post much but I do read most all.....but this one hits home oh so close."

"Omg yes I'm dealing with this now."

"I agree. I can totally understand you."

"All the time, you're definitely not alone."

"phew, I'm not the only one! good things."

"I think you are doing great! You've identified many times that you were able to resist doing things you normally would. He might not recognize your progress but we can!!! It can't happen all at once and you are getting some good practice in. Keep reminding yourself of the good choices you've made and forgive yourself for little backslides."

"Well I think you are doing good from the sounds of it."

"I'm a stranger and so on, but it sounds like you have your head on pretty straight around this. You're right: you ARE doing better. It sounds like you're doing great, actually."

All that? It makes me feel like I'm not alone. It reminds me that I have made progress, because I am getting feedback from the only people who truly understand Borderlines, other Borderlines. You see, to a non-Borderline doing something like sobbing hysterically on the phone because I can't see them may seem like it's a sign they are not doing better. But what that person may not know is 3 years ago instead of just sobbing, I may have texted them 40 times, cut myself and sent a picture, showed up at their house, called them nasty names, or worse.

We all have something we need to focus most on. For me it's relationships. But even if it's baby steps, progress is still progress. That's why it's so important for me to remember that the only person allowed to judge my progress is me. It's like judging a person for being over weight. You have no idea, that person may have actually been even heavier. No, he or she isn't "thin" by society standards, but they have made progress.

It's the same with BPD. I may have set backs, but if you compare me to me, it's obvious how much better I'm doing. If someone wants to judge me based on each little incident, and not the over all. Well, that says more about them than me.

Plus, "if your slate is clean then you can throw stones. If it is not, then leave her alone."

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