Thursday, May 8, 2014

Free Your Mind

In the book that I am currently reading, the author says the following, "Sooner or later, we all encounter intense emotion that we can't outrun. It may be fear that arises in a truly disturbing situation or the feeling of being very hooked and about to be swept away./Perk up when strong feelings come along and then, instead of trying to get rid of them, you move toward them and get curious."

DBT is based on Buddhist practice such as this. Teaching to feel the emotion, experience, but not to judge it or analyze it. The author also talks about how she would dye for something to go wrong so she could practice her new skills. I feel like I am this way. I approach life with, as it says in the book, a warrior-like spirit (that is committing to embrace the world just as it is). I'm doing good, I'm positive, so I feel I can take on anything. But then when something bad does happen, I am not always prepared.

Feeling the emotions is really difficult for me. Because while I know they are thoughts, and the feeling will go away. It's so overwhelming. My relationship with J seems like another life, but at the time of the breakup I felt like I would never stop hurting. My emotions get so intense, I want to run and hide. I think this is why living one day at a time, one moment at a time is so important.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago I have a lot going on/in the works. I'm volunteering at the animal shelter, waiting to hear on Big Brothers/Big Sisters, meeting with someone at NAMI to volunteer in their child and adolescent network as well as In Our Own Voices, I became a prison pen-pal through (transgender female, bisexual, wiccan, into LGBT+ rights, and feminist views). I'm also about to adopt a second kitten so Desmond can have a playmate.

I also started doing Yoga. Right now I just do a 30 minute beginners video, but it's so relaxing and it makes me super aware of my mind and body. I've been trying to hard to get into meditation, but I've been trying to do it other people's way. I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't super into sitting still and breathing for 20 minutes. To me yoga is a form of meditation. In fact wiki defines it as, "The physicalmental, and spiritual practices or disciplines which originated in ancient India with a view to attain a state of permanent peace of mind in order to experience one's true self."

I am a kinetic person. I like to move around, I like to engage. This is why self-sooth works well for me because I am able to use my hands and my other senses. Yoga allows me to be kinetic as well as relaxed and focused. I'm hoping once I start working that I can start going to actual classes.

I'm trying to take one day at a time. This means not waiting for something awful to happen. If I do that then I will never enjoy the present moment.

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