Saturday, March 29, 2014


Despite the fact I am still sick I went out to Impulse tonight. I only stayed for about 45 minutes because I started to feel dizzy and like I was going to vomit. However, I am proud that I went out on my own. Plus, for the short time I was there I saw and talked to several really cool people. I like Impulse/Rez cause it's not huge and there's none of the Boston club drama. I feel accepted there.

I was having some image problems earlier. I have, what I think, are huge bags under my eyes. People tell me they aren't that bad and it just seems that way cause I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. I tried to take some selfies, but every time I looked at the pic something was wrong. It looked different than what I saw in the mirror. When I did the #nomakeupselfies photo I just couldn't understand how Pete could think I was the most beautiful girl he's ever been with. I think that most beautiful to him must be ugliest to everyone else, because there's no way anyone would ever think I'm that beautiful.

I managed to get myself out of it. Going out helped. It made me feel confident. When I got home I watched videos from when I was in a shadow cast production of Grease, and that cheered me up a lot.

Recently I talked to someone about what happened with my step mother when I was younger. I won't say who, but it's someone who's opinion carries a lot of weight to me. This person completely validated me, and it meant so much. They told me that, yes, it would be considered child abuse and if it were today Child Protective Services would have come for her. They also told me it's perfectly understandable that I now have C-PTSD. That whole conversation meant so much to me.

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