Sunday, March 30, 2014

Reasons I Can't Sleep

I'm lying awake because I can't stop thinking about death. No, I'm not suicidal. I mean death, as in the end. I was at my sink, washing dishes, and suddenly I just started thinking about way into the future. About how I'm going to die someday and it really freaked me out. Worse than it ever had before. There was no trigger or anything, it just happened. I tried my best to use DBT skills: I continued to wash dishes, had a cup of tea, took a shower, and watched some Glee episodes.

It helped a little, but I still couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. I hadn't talked to him since Friday, so I figured texting Pete would be okay. We ended up texting back and forth, but I was still feeling panicky. So, I asked him to call and sing to me. When he did, it was like the whole world shut off and it was just him. I got so emotional and started crying.

It also confirmed something for me. I just don't know if I'm ready to tell him yet.

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