Things creep into my head, that's the worst. It sucks. I'll finally settle down, have a grasp on things, and then BAM! Something someone said will ruminate in my brain. I will get fixated on it. Then I'll want answers. I will forget all the positive things, and I'll find myself back at square one.
DBT teaches to ride emotions like a wave. Don't ignore them, but don't hold on to them. It's exhausting having to do that over and over. I just want all the answers now, but then that usually turns into me hearing something I don't want to hear. I can't let things go, I can't. It's so hard. It's so hard not to dwell on them.
But I'm trying, I'm trying to do the opposite of what I usually do. I'm trying to not dwell on things, to not ask questions I don't really want the answer to. It sucks, I'll become depressed and it will be so unbearable that I'll want to run away and escape, but how can you escape your own mind?
I question everything. Even when someone tells me something that gives me comfort, it something else creeps into my mind. I'll start getting sad about the positive. I'll question it.
I'm trying to hold on to the positive, I'm trying to not fixate when my brain starts battling my, starts trying to take away my happiness. It's tiring, it's a constant battle I'm always fighting. They say, "fake it until you make it". But, it's hard because each time I break down a little more. I'll want to give in, text, call, freak out, try and get all the answers, and then ruminate on those answers.
If I can just hold on, it will pass.